Tuesday, April 29, 2014

What a Difference a Year Makes..

 It is crazy to me to see how much your life and circumstances can change in a year. Just like the old saying about Vermont... "if you don't like the weather, wait 5 minutes" your life can change in the blink of an eye, for good or bad. In my situation, I have gone through very good times this past year and some very hard times as well.

Starting on a Positive Note

One year ago on April 1st I took my first step toward in living a healthier life. That day I started using a fitness journal in which I tracked my daily workouts. Looking back, it was my first day in the pool and the start of my triathalon training. I swam 2000 yards and loved every minute of it (I think it was my first time in a pool since high school). From there you can tell that I was motivated and working hard toward my goal, with many days of dual workouts. I must've been doing well as the record of my weight was dropping steadily.

Throughout the year my fitness journal shows how motivation waxes and wanes, the times when I was overwhelmed with work or coaching, and times I was burnt out from all the races. You can also tell when the holiday's rolled around and when the weather must've been too awful to go outside. Lord knows that my journal doesn't show consistency or perfection, it shows hard work, the ability to pick myself and keep going, also dedication and love for getting out and moving.

Hard Times

just me and my dad
Like I said above, life can change in the blink of an eye. These changes can be for good or for bad. This year I had a lot of things happen. My father passed away on March 4th after a two and a half year battle with cancer, he was only 59. It was hard to see him slowly deteriorate, but in the end it was almost a relief. On a positive note I got to spend a lot of time with him in his last months and will always remember all the good times we shared together. He is one of the reasons I am who I am today. I wouldn't ask for another Dad.

Shortly after that my boyfriend and I broke up. It was also very hard, but necessary for me. With that come added financial pressure of being in an apartment with one other person instead of two. I missed two half marathons this spring because of injury. I will admit that I was very angry at myself for both of these. I blamed myself, I blamed my body. But obviously what is meant to be is meant to be. I am doing my best not to dwell on the bad things, but instead focus on the good things like; completing my first triathalon, breaking the two hour mark in a half marathon and being less than one month away from my first full marathon! With the bad comes good and also lessons to be learned about yourself.

What I've Learned About Me

One of the biggest things I have learned about myself over the past year is that I am not perfect (Eek! Really? Say it ain't so!). Seriously, I'm not. I know, I know - what an amazing revelation. My imperfection can be seen in the lack of consistency in my workouts, my ever-changing eating habits and fluctuating weight.

The second biggest thing I have learned about myself, is that sometimes I just need to give myself a break. I often tend to beat myself up over diet, exercise and life choices I've made. There are times when tough love is necessary, but other times when I just need to forgive myself and eat the piece of chocolate cake.

The third thing I've learned (there has to be a third, right?) is that for me, exercising, running, continually moving is what keeps me sane. On the days when I don't feel like running, I should be. Running clears my head, allows me to think and allows me to get out all the negative thoughts and negative energy. As much as I love running with friends, running alone is good for me. I have had so many moments in the past year, moments of frustration, anger, depression, confusion that could have been remedied (even partially) with a run or a bike ride or even a long walk with my dog.

For me movement, exercise and sweat are essential to my happiness. With that in mind I need to listen to my body more. When I get cranky I shouldn't plop myself in front of the TV and grab a bag of chips, I should lace up and go for a run. The issue now isn't should I go for a run? It is telling myself that I have to go for a run. That I am not tired and the couch is not my friend. Because honestly, the couch is not going to help me to complete an Ironman. I need to listen to the voice in my head (no matter how timid and quiet it is that day) that says, "Gwen, get up off your ass and run!"